The future – Fears, thoughts, musings, etc

So, a lot has happened in the last few months since my last post, I really need to take my keyboard up more often to discuss shit. So many times I’ve needed to put things to words, but by the time I get around to the blog, I’m just all like this

So I’m going to get into a habit of posting more often. Every wednesday in fact. Now you may notice, that this week, I’m late. Fuck yeah broken habit already!

So yeah. No game update today, that’s not what this is about. Maybe next wednesday. If I’m not late.
Me. That is what I’m discussing today. All the things that have been going round and around my head. Should be interesting to those who are closest to me eh?

So I visited aberystwyth uni. It looks an amazing place, my girl loved looking around it, she seems really excited by the prospects of possibly going to that little university town, and one of my best friends loves going there. But how do I feel about it? In all fairness, I’ve been very jealous. I really want to have this student life, it all sounds so awesome, and I’m just missing out. On the other hand, I don’t think I could cope with the workload.

It’s the balancing act I’ve never been able to do. Work vs Play. Play vs Work. I don’t want to “waste” time in Uni if I don’t put in appropriate work, and I know I wouldn’t. I think.

At the end of the day? Maybe I can do what I want without Uni. Maybe I’ll learn my life skills my own way, maybe my way will be better. I can only try. I can always go back to Uni as and when I need to. But if I went this next year, I wouldnt be leaving till I was 23~24. I want to get on with life, I want my job, my own place, my own car. But, really. My positive, outgoing, always getting what I want demeanor, it’s a lie. A shell I hide behind. That’s not what I feel.

The other aspect of everyone going to Uni. I’ll be “alone” again. This last year I felt a big “distance” (Metaphorical and literal) between me and my friends. It’s scary how close we used to be and now we’re not. I’ve spoken to my best mate about it, and she feels the same way. I don’t want to lose my friends, but I find it so hard to relate to them now. They’ll start talking about something from Uni, or they’ll be planning trips out/days together, and I get “left out” on the edge of the conversation. Makes me feel like shit to be perfectly honest.

I can only hope the same doesn’t happen between me and my girlfriend. I know people can and have made it work (Looking at you kat and kyle!). I hope I can do the same. I won’t hold her back for my own selfish reasons, and I’ll try everything I can to make it work between us 😀

So that’s what’s been going through my head (Some other stuff going around and round, but I’m having difficulty articulating it all.) I’ll post moar next week, enjoy!


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